Jul 27, 2014


It's the only correct word for it: Neglect!
I have neglected a lot of things lately.
This blog in the first place.

I had so many things I wanted to blog about. So much stuff I wanted to share or just "throw out there". I ended up doing no such thing. And this just made me think of one of my co-workers, because he always gets it wrong, he says "I will do not such thing" .... blahhh. Yes, I keep correcting him and yes, he keeps getting it wrong. Smartass!!

But no, work is not something I wanted to blog about, nor are my colleagues, I have to deal with that 5 days a week already, I'd rather not think about it/them when I don't have to.

I might be flooding this little area with posts in the next few hours, get those things off my chest/mind/hands that I've been meaning to get off and maybe - hopefully - find my "inner peace" again. Maybe that's what's been keeping me awake at night, or maybe it was just the heat. I don't know, and I don't really care. Bottom line is: I have been extremely tired lately.
I have no idea what caused it or how I can "fix" it again, but I do know I can't stay like this much longer. I'm starting to see two words wash in and out of focus at times and they're not inspiring confidence .... at all.

The first one is "Burned".
The second one is "Out".

Together, they scare the hell out of me!

I'm 42, I shouldn't be facing those two just yet.
But here I am, neglecting everything and everyone just the same.
Like I said, I have no idea what caused it, nor do I know how to stop those words from becoming reality.

Thing is, I've got things going for me. I have a job that pays reasonably well, I have a place to live and food in the fridge, running water and electricity, a bed to sleep in (even though I *really* need a new mattress!) and a connection to all of my buddies out there. I have finished writing what will be my first novel, my kid is growing up real nice and my mom is helping me out in everything she can. So, what's wrong with me? Why are those two words sneaking up on me? Where did they come from? And how the *hell* do I wipe them away?

Do I need a vacation? (I know I do, but is that going to solve "the problem")
Or do I need professional assistance? What kind? A doctor? A shrink? An exorcist??
Or do I just need to kick my ass into gear and break the spell? Is that going to keep them at bay? And if so, for how long?? Will they just draw back into the shadows and wait for another chance to sneak up on me?
Am I better off breaking the routine?
Getting away from the "drag" of life?
But how can I?
Quit the job? Take up sports? Force myself to go out more?

For now, I've gotten back to my writing project, which is good since I've neglected that for far too long already. Now, if only my beta readers would get their butts in gear as well, it would help me make this thing better yet. Without their input, all I can really do, is filter out any typos I may have left in (found 1 last night in the 4 chapters I edited) and edit bits and pieces that don't feel or sound right, or that flirt with the surreal a little too much. Keeping in mind this story started out as another one of my 24-fan fics, it goes without saying the power of the Bauer is greater than anyone else's (HA!!) which is why I had to change a few scenes that Jack Bauer might've gotten away with, but no "normal mortal" would. Like shooting at the military (oops!) and blowing out a headlight with a single well-aimed shot (yes, Jack Bauer *can* and *will* do that!!)

I'm happy I decided to leave the 24-fandom though, because it enabled me to create my own character, make up his background, think up a family situation and build up from there. Granted, Brian Tucker is a lot like Jack Bauer, in many ways, but he *is* an original character with a mind of his own. He will also have adventures of his own. Yes, you'll probably *feel* a little Jack Bauer in my books, but hey, I wrote about the man for over a decade, what do you expect???

So much for neglect.
I'm gonna get back to it and see if I can put a lid on those two words.

Catch ya later!!

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